If you’re a love-struck newlywed, I’m here to tell you one important little thing: conflict in marriage is inevitable.

One more time: conflict in marriage is inevitable!

In fact, it’s not only inevitable, but it’s also 100% normal! It’s a natural part of everyday life, and therefore an unavoidable (and rather crucial) component of your “happily ever after” too! 

Want to know something else pretty mind-blowing? The key to a happy marriage is not to eliminate all conflict! Phew.

While many people tend to equate happiness with a low level of conflict, a long-lasting relationship results from a couple’s ability to manage the conflicts that are inevitable in any relationship.

Did you pick up on that? Being happy in the present and long-term future comes from a couple’s ability to manage certain conflicts that are 100% inevitable in any healthy relationship.

Regardless of who you marry — conflict is inevitable. Don’t fall into the trap of a fairytale world where you sit and think how wouldn’t be dealing with a certain conflict if you had married someone else — because that “someone else” would have come with their very own set of problems, too! So rather just quit lying to yourself. 😝

As a result of this, acquiring the skills and fostering the ability to successfully navigate conflict is crucial when it comes to creating happiness and peace within your marriage.

So, without further ado, here are 6 Tips To Effectively Manage Conflict for A Happier Marriage:

1. Practice Physiological Self-Soothing

When conflict rears its head, take a break. Get out for a walk, relax in a bubble bath, read a book, breathe, meditate — allow yourself some time to calm down and return to a better state of mind. Trust me; just try 20 minutes!

2. Soften Your Startup

Conversations generally end on the same note in which they start, so remember to break things in softly. Avoid blaming your partner for anything, and rather make use of “I” statements. Objectively describe what is happening, and remember to be attentive and polite.

3. Repair & De-Escalate

Try using scripted phrases such as “Let me try and explain that again,” “I don’t really feel like you’re seeing my perspective right now,” and “I’m really sorry” to assist in de-escalating the situation and making attempts at repair.

4. Listen To Your Partner’s Deeper Feelings & Wishes

Never-ending problems between you and your spouse create an unbearable gridlock, and they are often just covering underlying feelings and dreams that are not effectively being communicated. Start by thinking about what your own dreams and wishes are, and exactly how you can communicate them more clearly to your significant other.

Next, become better at listening, and seek to discover your partner’s deepest feelings and desires. The point of having this skill is to genuinely understand who your partner is below the surface, in order to accept influence and compromise together.

5. Accept Outside Influence

You need to recognise and admit that your way is not always the best or only way. Accept that your partner has great ideas and important opinions, too. Be respectful of those opinions, and always try to find something you can learn from your spouse.

6. Learn the Art of Compromise

Compromise is quite literally an art form. Remember: compromise never feels absolutely perfect. Each person gains something and each person loses something; but what’s important is that each person feels understood, respected, and honoured in their dreams and their desires.

You need to work together with your partner to find common ground and compromise that will leave you both feeling valued, respected, and supported.

If you put these 6 tips into action and learn how to manage conflict in healthy and positive ways, then a lasting and happy marriage will be yours today and always as you recognise conflict for what it truly is — an opportunity to learn, grow, progress, and live a meaningful life in the present. ❤️

“Communication is key.” It’s a phrase we hear often, and it’s a phrase we will continue to hear because it’s true! A relationship lacking good communication will inevitably struggle; it will not reach its full potential. Overlooking the need for good communication will create a massive disconnect that will only cause a couple to drift even further apart. 

The reality is that many people actually lack top-quality communication skills. Maybe they were never taught them, or maybe a good example was never set for them when they were younger. People who have learned and fully embrace the need for better communication experience all the benefits of it! 

I want you to be able to experience the very best in your relationship; so here are 7 Keys To Flawless Communication in Your Relationship:

1. Be Willing To Compromise

If you have an attitude of “it’s my way or the highway” then don’t expect anyone to be on your team! Showing a willingness to be fair and make compromises can assist in helping your partner express themselves to you more frequently. It shows them that they won’t just be shut down, and that some level of resolution can always be reached. Your goal should always be to find a middle ground that leaves both of you mutually satisfied with the outcome.

2. Listen To Understand, Not To Debate Back

There is nothing more frustrating than a person who is solely interested in making excuses, constantly trying to turn things around, and always defending themselves for the whole duration of any conversation. If you do not show a willingness to listen and try to understand your partner’s point of view, things will just end up with them not wanting to talk to you anymore at all. 

Don’t get defensive, and focus more on making progress with regards to whatever you are discussing. This will help your significant other feel as though you’re genuinely listening and valuing how they feel. 

3. Disagreeing is Okay, But Dismissing is Not

There are always going to be times when you and your spouse do not agree on whatever is being discussed. This is fine; as long as you understand how to respectfully handle your disagreements. 

Don’t make the mistake of being judgmental or dismissive towards your partner — this will only result in negativity and retaliation from their side. In short, you’re pretty much setting up a battle where neither of you will end up winning. You’ll also make it more difficult for your spouse to feel comfortable to ever openly express themselves to you. So when it comes to better communication, you need to acknowledge how they feel, and understand their stance on things. Be respectful, and if that’s what it boils down to — rather just agree to disagree.

4. Be Open & Honest

You cannot expect someone to be open and honest with you if you’re not willing to do the same with them. When you’re willing to take the lead with this, you make your partner feel more comfortable with following your example. It might be more difficult for them, and of course there are other factors that will impact their willingness to do it; but if you focus on consistently setting such a standard, you’ll increase your chances of it becoming a mutual practice on both sides.

5. Take Note of Their Words & Body Language

You can tap into a much better understanding of how your partner feels when you learn how to read their body language. This plays a pretty big role in improving the communication in your relationship. At times your partner might not be very verbally expressive, but their body can tell you so much about how they’re feeling! Use it as a guide to help decipher exactly what is going on with them. Let them know what their body is saying to you; and then allow them to verbally clarify things so that you can get on the same page.

6. Don’t Make Things All About You

Have you ever started venting to someone about something, and then it seems that they somehow turn things around and make the conversation all about them? There’s literally nothing more annoying. So, if you want better communication in your relationship, I’m pretty sure you want to make certain that you are not being that person. 

When someone feels like this is a constant behaviour pattern, they eventually won’t even bother starting a conversation. So allow your partner to fully express themselves and let everything out. A relationship is all about providing balance and allowing one another to be seen and heard.

7. Employ A Loving & Positive Approach

Shouting, screaming, and being downright disrespectful to your significant other is most definitely not a form of effective communication. If you do not express yourself in a calm, loving, and understanding manner, then you cannot expect anything good to come out of the conversation. Nobody likes to feel attacked, nor be blamed for everything that goes wrong — this just instantly puts them on the defensive.

To avoid making your partner less receptive to what you’re saying, you have to commit to taking a more positive approach. That doesn’t mean you have to change your entire message; it’s more about how you deliver it. You know how the old phrase goes: “it’s not what you say, but how you say it”. Keep this in mind at all times if you’re serious about having a better communication system with your partner.

Also, remember that you’ll never know until you try! You can only control your own actions, so make sure that you’re implementing all of the methods above in order to have a higher chance of achieving improved communication within your relationship. 

Take the time to also ask your partner about their perspective; the things that they feel could use some adjusting to help both of you achieve optimal communication. You must work together as a team — and talking to each other is the only way to obtain the results you need for a happy, healthy, and successful relationship! ❤️🔥

When falling deeply in love, it’s easy to believe that this is the relationship that will last forever. We’re filled with hope that this one is “the one”, that this time will be different, and that there’s absolutely nothing that could get in the way of you and your partner.

In reality, of course, this isn’t always the case. Breakups happen.

So, Why and How Do Breakups Happen?

Some of the most common causes of breakups include personality clashes, not enough time spent together, cheating, a lack of positive interactions between the two partners, minimal passion and sexual fulfillment, and an overall low satisfaction with the relationship.

Ending a relationship is sometimes one of the most difficult things you’ll ever have to do. Regardless of where in the breakup process you are, knowing how to break up well can help make this transition smoother and less painful for both people involved.

How to Break up the Right Way

I say the “right” way, but in truth, there is no “right” or “best” way to break up with someone. Of course, every single relationship is unique, and each person in a relationship is different. It’s your job to consider the personality, needs, and feelings of your partner when figuring out how to best end things.

> Fully acknowledge that there is no pain-free way to break up. No matter how broken the relationship already is, ending it will still cause immense pain on both sides. Once you understand that there will be hurt, you can then be better prepared for what follows.

> End it in person. If you have ever been dumped via text (or possibly even ghosted), then you know just how it feels to be given so little consideration that your ex didn’t even bother to do things in face-to-face. Why would you want to do the same to another person? Your partner deserves the dignity of a heartfelt, face-to-face conversation. An intimate setting is generally better, but if you’re afraid that your partner might have an intense or emotional (even violent) reaction, then a public place could be safer. You have to use your discretion on this one.

> Be straightforward and honest; but don’t go into too much detail. People generally want to know why they’re being dumped. While “you’re not that great in bed” or “you lack ambition” might be totally honest answers, they don’t really take into account your partner’s self-confidence or dignity. Phrasing things more like “I don’t really feel we’re sexually compatible” or “I don’t think our long-term goals are in sync with one another” are far more respectful ways to express how you feel. Avoid listing all of the things that the other person did wrong, and steer clear of clichés such as: “it’s not you, it’s me.”

> Don’t give in to protests or arguments. If the breakup comes as a complete surprise for the other person, they could try to argue, protest, or offer reasons why the two of you should stay together and try to make things work one last time. In all honesty, if you’re already at the point of breaking up, there’s likely not much that can restore or revive the relationship now. If you give in, you’re only delaying the inevitable.

Make a Clean Break

> Don’t suggest staying friends. Avoid saying things like “let’s keep in touch.” If you truly want to move on from a romantic relationship, you need to avoid any further emotional entanglements with your ex; at least for the time being. It may be possible to be friends again somewhere down the line, but now is not exactly the best time to consider such a possibility.

> Express your sadness about the breakup, and share some good memories of your time together. Being dumped feels pretty shitty; but you can soften the blow a bit by sharing some of the good times you had together. Comments like: “You taught me so much in the kitchen, and I’m a much better cook now, thanks to you!” is what I’m getting at. You want to make your ex feel as though they had a positive impact on your life, despite the relationship coming to an end. 

> Don’t turn the other person into “bad guy.” No one is perfect. You also have your faults; so turning your ex into an evil figure is not very useful. They might have done some bad things – like cheating – but remember that they’re also just human. It’s better to resolve your feelings around what they did rather than who they are.

> Give yourself time to recover. Even if you’re the one doing the dumping, there will still be a period of heartbreak, pain, and sadness. Understand that you’ll also need to adjust to your new life situation. Surround yourself with friends and family you love, do things that make you feel alive, and remember that crying and feeling upset is 100% okay.

In any kind of a breakup situation, the most important thing to remember is the value of kindness and compassion. It’s often easy to forget how your ex might feel when you’re so caught up in your own feelings and emotions, but it’s crucial to avoid centering the whole conversation on only yourself. If you act kind and compassionate, things will be a lot smoother and easier for everyone involved. ❤️

What does it mean to accept your partner’s influence; and how exactly can you do it?

Yielding in order to win means accepting, understanding, and inviting your partner’s perspective, feelings, and needs into your decision-making process as a couple. It means truly listening to your spouse, and forming compromises so that both of you feel mutually satisfied with the outcomes.

So, I guess you can look at it more like yielding in order to reach a win-win. 😉

In a study conducted of 130 newlywed couples, it was found that men who allow their wives to “influence” them, as mentioned above, have happier marriages and are less likely to split up!

Rejecting Your Partner’s Influence is Dangerous

Marriage can 100% survive moments of anger, criticism, and complaining in healthy and respectful ways. In fact, through conflict, marriage can even flourish; as conflict provides an opportunity for growth as a couple. But where couples step into the danger zone is when they match negativity with negativity, rather than attempting to make a repair at de-escalating the conflict.

Counterattacking your partner during an argument does not solve the issue or help to reach a compromise; instead it puts a wall up to your partner’s influence in the decision-making process. 

Research reveals that around 65% of men actually increase their negativity during an argument; and John Gottman’s Four Horsemen  – criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling – are surefire signs that a man is rejecting his woman’s influence.

Men and women are different, so it’s natural to expect that there are also differences in how men and women perceive and experience conflict. It takes two people in order to make a relationship work, and it’s crucial for every couple to respect all aspects of their relationship. It is interesting to note that research further indicates that the majority of wives – even in unhappy marriages – actually already do this!

Of course, that’s not to say that women don’t get riled up and even disrespectful towards their husbands; all it means is that they tend to allow their husbands to influence their decision making by taking their feelings and opinions into consideration.

As data suggests, though, unfortunately the same cannot be said for the majority of men. In fact, it’s shown that if a husband does not accept their wife’s influence, there is an 81% chance that their marriage will collapse.

📢Men, listen up: The time to yield to win-win is now!

What Men Can Learn from Women

As mentioned earlier, men and women are wired differently, and they often feel very different from one another.

The differences usually begin in childhood. When boys play games, they are conditioned to be competitive and keep their focus on winning — not on their emotions or the other people playing the game. If a boy gets hurt, he is removed from the game and ignored. This is something clearly evident in team sports. Sure, someone might come to help carry the injured player off the field, but the game will go on.

In John Gottman’s book, The Seven Principle for Making Marriage Work, he explains that “the truth is that ‘girlish’ games offer far better preparation for marriage and family life because they focus on relationships.” Now this is not so much an issue of gender roles, but rather one of learning emotional intelligence.

Step 1: Develop Emotional Intelligence

A husband who is lacking in the EQ department will typically reject his wife’s influence because he fears losing his power. Consequently, because he is unwilling to accept her influence, the dynamic will turn into a gridlock.

Alternatively, a husband who is emotionally intelligent is interested and in-tune with his spouse’s emotions because he deeply respects and honours her. Even though the husband might not express his emotions in the same way his wife does, he will learn how to better connect with her by genuinely listening to and validating her perspective, getting a better understanding of her needs, and expressing his empathy towards her.

When his partner needs to talk about something, an emotionally intelligent husband will put aside whatever he’s doing, and make time to mindfully talk to her. He will choose “we” over “me” — exhibiting a strong sense of solidarity between the couple. He will endeavour to understand his partner’s inner world as much as he can, and he will communicate this respect by turning towards her attempts at connection.

The results? His relationship, sex life, and overall happiness will be much greater than a man who lacks EQ. 🔥

What’s more, is when it comes to parenting, an emotionally intelligent husband can be more of a supportive and empathetic father as he is not afraid to identify and express his innermost emotions. The couple can teach their kids to understand and respect their emotions; and they will, in turn, be validating their children’s emotions.

How to Wholeheartedly Accept Influence

It’s highly probable that the majority of men who reject their wives’ influence do so without really realising they are doing so. But now that you’re aware and conspicuous of this common masculine trait, I really encourage you to practice and learn how to accept influence. This is both a mindset and a skill cultivated by supporting and paying attention to your wife every single day. This involves working on 3 emotional connection tactics: map out each other’s emotional needs, building a culture of respect and appreciation, and accepting attempts at connection.

When conflict does inevitably arise, the key is to: 

✔️Attentively listen to your wife’s point of view 

✔️Let her know that you understand her

✔️Ask her what she needs

✔️Be willing to compromise 

A great way to do this is for each of you to identify your core emotional needs, and then try and find – together – points where those needs overlap. From there on out you will be able to find a kind of common ground upon which you can make decisions unanimously.

So that, gentlemen, is how you accept your wives’ influence. If you want to have a happy and stable marriage, make your commitment to your significant other more important than your commitment to winning.

If you do this — you win, your partner wins, and, most importantly, your marriage thrives!

We all have bad habits, but most of us don’t actually realise how some of those little quirks and actions negatively impact our loved ones! And let’s be real, many habits are seriously difficult to break.

When your relationship is involved, it’s the good habits which are actually crucial to how it stands the test of time. 

Unfortunately, there are a bunch of subconscious habits that do more harm than good… So without further ado, here are 8 Bad Habits That Are Destroying Your Relationship:

1. You Use “Work” As An Excuse To Avoid Your Partner

In this digital age, it’s become extremely difficult to separate work from home life. Enter a disagreement with your partner and you might as well continue on at the office rather than spending time with your partner, right? No — wrong. 

Look at problems at home like any other tasks to be solved. Your partner is your teammate; so you need to come up with a strategy for working together to solve them.

2. You Come and Go Without Acknowledging Your S.O.

First impressions stick — even if you are already a few years deep into your relationship! It’s really as basic as how you leave the house for work in the morning. Avoiding touch, contact, or any interactions with your partner can have a lasting and detrimental impact. 

If your schedules are not in sync, or you always seem to be rushing out the door, try to find little ways to show your partner you’re thinking about them — long after you leave the house.

3. Talking About Money is An Uncomfortable Topic

Regardless of how much money you have, it’s imperative that you discuss it openly and honestly with your S.O.; whether you share an account or not. Financial planning is crucial in order to have a happy marriage, but financial nagging and lecturing are not the most effective methods to go about it. Couples should rather talk about money in a businesslike manner — not as a personal issue.

4. You Aren’t Truly Listening To Your Partner

The next time your partner is summing up their work day or telling you something important, count how many times you say: “mhm,” “hm,” and “oh.” These “fill-in” words are signs that you are not truly listening. It may seem to your spouse that you are, but what it’s really saying that you do not care about the subject matter.

5. You Unconsciously Disregard Their Needs

Let’s put it like this: If you were to walk to the kitchen to pour a glass of water, would you ask your partner if they wanted one, too? In a healthy relationship, both partners try to fill one another’s needs as well as they do their own. 

6. You Clear Your Throat Too Often

Everyone has their little thing that they do when faced with an uncomfortable situation. The most obvious of them all: clearing your throat. Many people clear their throat as a response to something they’re saying or hearing that is not going down too well. This can get especially dangerous if it morphs from an anxious habit into a common behavioural characteristic during communication with your spouse.

7. You Leave Them To Fend for Themselves

Independence in a relationship is great, but it’s important that partners find ways to come together and lean on each other. Sharing resources is vital in happy relationships. Let’s say you’re watching TV with your partner — do you steal all the blankets, or do you share them with them? It might sound simple, but small gestures indicate that you’re both equals in your relationship.

8. You Fight in The Midst of Stress

You cannot blame a full-blown argument on stress. That’s not how things work in truly healthy relationships. Whether you’ve had a bad night’s sleep, trouble at work, or lack of intimacy — there is no excuse for causing an unwarranted fight. 

Acting defensive rather than with compassion and logic can damage your partner’s perception of you. If you let your partner know you’re having a tough day, it’ll give them a chance to be more thoughtful and considerate than they usually might have been.